


The Perfect Gift? Doesn't Exist

by Gaarakid15, Hokee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Presents, Fluff, Friends as Family, Gen, Golden Trio bonding, Grumpy Severus Snape, Happy Birthday Severus Snape, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaarakid15/pseuds/Gaarakid15, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hokee/pseuds/Hokee
Summary: What does one get a grumpy Potions Professor who wants nothing to do with his birthday?Harry, Hermione, and Ron go shopping to find out.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Severus Snape & Golden Trio
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	The Perfect Gift? Doesn't Exist

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I wanted to write something to celebrate Severus Snape's 61st birthday and my sister, Garrakid15, was sleep-deprived enough that I was able to coerce her into collabing with me. So I hope you enjoy this fluffy bonding fic. ~Ninjapirate101
> 
> How I was able to be coerced into writing for this grouch, I'll never know. Happy birthday old man! (Ron was a big ass mood when writing this.) ~Gaarakid15

The snow still crunched underfoot as Harry, Hermione and Ron walked further into the sleepy village, bumping shoulders as they went. It was still early January and not a hint of Spring was in the air. Harry rubbed his gloved fingers together trying to generate even a fraction of the heat he could feel coming off Ron. The lucky bastard was a space heater. 

How he was surviving this frigid weather was beyond him and he absolutely hated him for it. Harry glared in his direction while still rubbing his hands together. Ron didn't even have the decency to acknowledge the heated glare burning a hole in the side of his head. How could he possibly not feel the slightest bit cold especially for his lanky frame? And worst of all he kept it all for himself while Harry was forced to freeze beside him. If that's how he wanted to play it then he wouldn't notice if Harry pressed a little closer to his side and potentially steal some of his heat. He only hoped that he could get away without being bitten like last time.

"Harry, stop glaring at Ron." Hermione huffed out, her breath visible against the gray of the morning's horizon. "You were the one insisting on getting Professor Snape a birthday present."

Harry startled at Hermione's tone and he dropped his eyes, repentant. She was right, it wasn't Ron's fault they were out in the cold. He sighed once more into his hands and looked around at the brick and wooden buildings all decreeing some wizardry odd and end. Who needed 'Pewter Chainmail - fits all body types' anyway? Snape certainly didn't. Finding a present that the man could actually use, and preferably need, was going to be tough.

"Are you even sure of what you want to get him?" Hermione queried. "I mean he is perfectly capable of buying himself anything we could think of as useful."

Harry's eyes widened slightly as he looked towards her. She really had to stop practically reading his mind when it came to these things. "Well, that's kind of the point of us looking around, Hermione. We're bound to find something. Right?"

"I say we just get him some of those self-inking quills and more red ink. He goes through it enough with our essays." Ron grumbled under his breath. "Then we can just be done with this and go have a hot Butterbeer." Harry thought that over though he was already shaking his head. Snape certainly didn’t need any more utensils of mass evisceration. 

"No. It needs to be something special, you know? Maybe potion ingredients?" Harry looked towards Hermione in excitement, pushing himself further into Ron's heat. Maybe he could get close enough to curl into Ron's jacket without him finding out? "What about Boomslang skin? To replace what we had used when we made the Polyjuice a couple years back." 

"Harry, he is a Potions Master, remember? Don't you think he's rectified that by now? He keeps his stores impeccably stocked." Hermione deadpanned with a shake of her head. 

Harry's excitement faltered at that. Of course he would've restocked after all of their shenanigans. With a dramatic sigh, he sagged into Ron's side feigning sadness as he snuggled in under his jacket. 

"Gah! Harry get off of me! Your hands are bloody freezing!" Ron squeaked out. Gently swatting at his best friend to get him from under his jacket. "How could you possibly still be that cold bundled up like that?" 

"But Ron, c'mon it's _f_ _reezing_." Harry pouted looking up at Ron with mournful green eyes. "It's not my fault." He stepped away further from his friends, distractedly looking at a window display of books while he tried to burrow deeper into his thin and oversized coat.

He didn't catch the look Ron threw at him when an old book with gold edging caught his eye. "What about a book of some sort? Maybe on spell crafting. Or ancient potions?" Harry turned back towards his friends and disrupted the silent conversation they were having. "We could at least go have a look? If not here, there's always the shop in Knockturn. They might have something more up Snape's alley?"

Ron and Hermione exchanged a look. It looked like they were having a mental conversation for a moment there. Whatever they were discussing Ron lost as he looked away with an eye roll as Hermione smiled triumphantly. "It's worth taking a look, plus we could get out of the cold for a bit." 

Ron only shrugged before he followed after Hermione. Harry fist pumped in victory then sprinted after his friends as they headed towards Tomes and Scrolls.

The bookshop was full of books fluttering and stacked high as they came in. It seemed to be chaotic but was actually relaxing once they got used to it. The turning of pages and scratching of quills writing down orders permeated the air around them. The place seemed to have everything! Surely, they could find a present worthy of Snape here.

Hermione split off at the first sign of dusty books decorated with Runes and Harry shook his head with a small smile at his bookish friend. Ron was heading towards the comic section and Harry followed, not wanting to get lost among the throngs of shelves. The newest issue of ' _The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle_ ' was proudly displayed on the shelf and Ron's face lit up in a smile. 

"Brilliant! The latest issue of the Mad Muggle." Ron reached out for the comic only to pull his hand back with a small yelp as Harry smacked his hand away from the rack. "Oww was that necessary?"

"Rooon we're supposed to be looking for a present remember, we can grab comics later." Harry pouted up at his friend. Ron only glared back while rubbing his hand. He scanned over the shop blankly for a moment before a smirk spread across his face as he spotted the magazine rack. "Right, how about a subscription to ' _Gits and Glamour'_? Sounds perfect for him." 

Harry couldn't help to snicker at the remark. "You both are horrible, you know that?" It was Harry's turn to yelp when Hermione spoke from behind them, arms loaded with books that she apparently wanted to buy. Ron gave a calculating look and snuck the comic in her arms when she was distracted while talking. "A book is a perfect gift. _If_ it respects the giftee, not insults them." 

Harry felt guilty for laughing. Hermione was right. No one should be made fun of for the way they look. He learned that the hard way himself from his cousin Dudley. "While you were searching through the books did you see anything that Snape might want? If not we can check out the Dark Arts section? There has to be _something_ here." 

"Well, why don't you and Ronald go look in the Dark Arts section while I handle all of this." Hermione glared at both of them before turning on heel and heading to the counter. "That means now you two." She spoke over her shoulder, putting a little more force in her voice. 

They knew that tone all too well and Ron was not about to face an hour long, condescending lecture. Not again. Grabbing Harry's hand, he scrambled towards the Dark Arts section with Harry in tow. 

"' _Blood and You: The living roadmap of your body during rituals'"_ Harry read out loud and cringed away when a drop of red liquid fell to the ground in a puddle. He side-stepped away from that portion of the section, heading into a more sanitary area.

"Harry did you see that?? What kinda bookshop would sell that?" Ron whispered, throwing a look back towards the area they just left.

"Kinda hard to miss there, Ron. What gave it away? The blood on the floor, perhaps?" Harry snarked, finger running down the spine of a book. Nothing was calling out to him. He wanted to get Snape something special. To say how sorry he was for looking into the man's pensive during the past Occlumency lessons. And to maybe show that he was growing up, that he could be an adult if given the chance.

"Mate, we gotta get you something to eat. You get mean when you're hungry." Ron mumbled out, crouching down to look at a book with fangs.

"I do not." Harry huffed skimming over a few more books with his finger, pouting as he stepped past Ron and continued looking. It should not be this difficult to focus and find a present. 

"Riiiiight." Ron rolled his eyes as he reached for the book. He immediately flinched away as the book snapped at him "Bloody hell. Some of these shouldn't be allowed to be sold." He stood up and checked to make sure all of his fingers were still there before looking over at Harry. Seeing that broke whatever tension was there previously and made him sigh. Curse those adorable puppy eyes. 

Ron soon sidled up beside his pouty best friend and threw an arm over his shoulder. Pulling the shorter boy close to his side before resting his head on that messy black nest of hair. "Alright, alright quit your pouting. If nothing speaks to you here we'll keep looking until something does okay?"

"Thank you Won-Won." Harry teased, his muffled laughing growing loud when he was gently pushed away with an embarrassed groan from Ron.

"Really, Ronald? Did you have to slip in that stupid comic into my purchases?" Hermione scolded coming around the corner, expertly ignoring the bloody spot on the floor.

"You did buy it though, right?" Harry watched as Hermione's lips thinned and her eyes narrowed until a smile broke free.

"Yes, I did, in fact, buy your little comic... _Won-Won_." Hermione purred and Harry's laughter burst out again disrupting the quiet of the bookshop at Ron's soul-deep groan.

A look from the owner had the trio scurrying for the doors and back out into the cold in a matter of seconds, laughter and warmth curling their bellies. 

"Well, that went horribly. Nice going you two." Ron teased as he wrapped his arms around the other two and began leading them away from the store.

"Us? If anything it was you two noisy beasts that couldn't keep it down." Hermione scoffed, narrowing her eyes up at Ron who simply shrugged it off. Harry rolled his eyes before he began glancing at various items in the shop windows. The perfect gift had to be somewhere around here.

Harry let Ron and Hermione's chatter wash over him. He was lucky that he had two best friends that would brave the freezing cold just because he wanted to look for a present for a Professor that nobody else really liked. They didn't judge his reasons and they didn't pry and he found himself at a loss as his chest tightened.

They seemed to be walking forever, the gray skies of the morning turning darker foretelling more snow to come later that day, when Harry froze in front of a small shop and was bumped into from behind.

"Harry, mate, warn us before you make a sudden stop." Ron rubbed where Hermione's books poked painfully in his side, swatting at the swinging cloth death-bringers.

"It's perfect!" Harry swung his arms around Ron and Hermione bringing them closer to the stained glass display. Ron grumbled as the books were now forcing their way into his back instead, but relented when he saw the bright smile on Harry's face.

"Oh Harry! He'll love it." Hermione smiled at the two boys and they quickly entered the shop. No stalling needed.

They were in and out in a matter of minutes. Harry held the bag tight to his chest as they stepped back out into the cold. Ron snickered beside him. "Oh man I can't wait to see his face when you give him that mate. It's going to be priceless." 

"I'm surprised we actually found something so perfect. I honestly thought it was a lost cause." Hermione giggled before turning her attention back to Harry still cradling the gift to his chest. A warm smile broke over her face seeing him so happy for a gift that wasn't even for him. 

The trio began wandering aimlessly for a while before the soft ringing of a bell grabbed their attention. They had somehow found their way to Honeydukes though they had no real direction after finding Snape's gift. Harry eyed Ron suspiciously. He was sure that Ron had led them here in hopes of snagging some snacks for the carriage ride back. 

Ron held up his hands in surrender under the scrutiny of those bright green eyes. "Don't look at me. I wasn't planning on coming this way. Though you could definitely use something to calm your viciousness." 

Hermione rolled her eyes before nudging Ron in the side. "Think of it as a reward for a job well done. Plus we could possibly add some candy to his present box." 

At the thought of getting candy for Snape, Harry brightened even further. "Oooh! Yes! What do you think he would like??" Harry grabbed at their arms pulling them forward into the sweet smelling building, the present bag secured around his own wrist.

"How 'bout Bat-Wing chocolate?" Ron joked as he was led over to the different flavored taffy's.

"Honestly, _Ronald_. Must you harass the poor man? Harry, I'm sure he wouldn't turn down some nice Bon-Bons." Hermione chided, rolling her eyes as Ron went for the Chocolate Frogs on display.

The trio left Hogsmeade, sticky fingered and content. Harry felt as if he were floating on cloud nine. He had the perfect present for Snape, which even the man wouldn't be able to deny and he was able to spend the day with his best friends relaxing before classes started again on Monday.

-

Severus Snape was not a happy man. No, he was ambushed by a, frankly speaking, terrifying Minerva cheerfully wishing him a Happy Birthday. How the old tabby knew it was his birthday when he had explicitly told no one, he couldn't guess. He had even gone as far as banishing his information from prying eyes as soon as he had access to the school records. Albus, and his sparkly and all-knowing eyes, must have had told her. Or, most logically he had to admit, she had simply remembered from when he was a student.

Regardless as to how she knew, it was at the arse-crack of dawn that Minerva had intruded upon his solitude with a bottle of Ogden's Finest and baring well wishes.

He accepted the bottle with a tight smile and grumbled thank you. Thankfully she didn't stay long. Prattling on about preparing for an early class or some other noise he tuned out until she left his space. He sighed deeply as he held the offending bottle at arm’s length and continued the grueling walk to his office. Hopefully he could make it there without any other ambushes.

As he approached his office he noticed something was amiss. His door seemed to be just the slightest bit ajar. On top of that he could have sworn he saw a dull shimmer near the door for a brief second before it disappeared down the hallway. It was far too early to be thinking something so preposterous. Shaking that the thought off he made his way into the office and closed the door behind him. Perhaps now he could get a few more moments of peace before dealing with the delinquent beasts others lovingly referred to as students.

Apparently, peace was too much to ask for, especially on his birthday. The day was tipping from bad to worse and Severus wondered if he could get back to his chambers unseen. There on his desk, innocently wrapped in green, sat a medium sized box, a letter, and a second decorated box that looked like it was made to hold chocolate.

He hoped it held poison instead, maybe then he would get his peace. He stood there glaring at the boxes for some time. Perhaps if he glared hard enough they would will themselves away or at the very least catch fire. When nothing came of it, he gave in with a growl and moved toward his desk. He stored the bottle away with the others he kept on hand for late night commiserating with Minerva before taking a seat. It all looked wholesome enough but he was waiting for the joke here. Perhaps an embarrassing Howler rested in the envelope or one of those exploding spell boxes. 

With a mournful sigh, Severus carefully picked up the envelope and waited a few seconds. When it didn't immediately start yelling, he nodded before opening it. A ridiculous, green and silver card with a crudely drawn snake on the front greeted him. The words ' _Happy Birthday Professor_ ' scrawled across it in oh so familiar chicken scratch. It was also sticky and covered in smudges that he hoped to Merlin was just chocolate. 

Pinching the corners, he slowly pried the thing open and was met with more chicken scratch. This kind was almost illegible if not for the number of times he's seen it in hastily written essays. Only one of the little blurbs was printed neatly and easy to read, offering well wishes. He scanned over one of the others and nearly crumpled the damn thing after reading, "Even though you look sour, we figure you have a sweet tooth. Enjoy the candy!"

Severus looked towards the box he had figured was chocolate and scowled. How did those three specific brats know it was his birthday? And how did they break into his offi-well, he could at least answer that one for himself as he thought back on the shimmer when he first walked into his office. The Potter brat and his blasted invisibility cloak.

He glared at the decorated present, dressed in green and black. Still, it wasn't often he celebrated. It was more like just another day at this point and trying to avoid the coming war. He could feel his eyes soften his glare and he blew out a breath. Fine. He would open the bloody present.

With pale, potion stained fingers he reached for the box. He might as well see what the little cretins got him. His lips twisted, more grimace than a smile graced his features, yet oddly, he felt amused at the gesture. Everything so far hadn't seemed to be a prank and so maybe they actually did care, at least to an extent.

He opened the box and pushed the tissue paper aside, peering in, dark eyes widening.

"The _fuck_ is this?"

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy 61st birthday to the grumpiest Potions Master, Severus Snape!  
> (No Potions Masters were harmed in the making of this fic, he totally loved his present!)


End file.
